Story of the Week: No Labels

This week we are delighted to present a story from an anonymous guest blogger! This was written a few months ago for the awesome political erotica mash-up site, Hail to the Slash.  If you have a story suggestion or want to submit your own, contact us here.

No Labels

By: Anonymous

Just a joyless campaign. It was way too early for this shit, and it wasn’t even 5:30 a.m. Joe was spent; Geist was out today doing God knows. Did these candidates even like politics? Obama, trying to be so above it all. Romney, just, like, odd. No interest in the game. No desire to do the back-and-forth scrapping Joe craved. Where was a third party to re-energize this race? Sometimes he felt like he was talking to no one, the loneliest man at the roundtable leading the morning news of the world.

The world put a little more slump in his shoulders this 7:45 break.

As “Up the Junction” played over the tag, Joe felt a little tug at his trousers from under the desk.

“Hello.”

“Wha — ?” Years before he’d become a little reluctant to look down at what was up at his Deep South.There had always been rumors about Olbermann wearing nothing under the waist, and just… nasty. Plus this one time Katrina tried to initiate footsie with him, which he tried to play off by saying he wanted something a little more middle-of-the-spectrum, but —total kink-fest, let’s just say, so weird. And he wasn’t into it, not at all.

“You have a surprise visitor for the 8:00 hour.” It was Mike Bloomberg, Mayor Mike, Bloomberg Bloomberg, who had crawled under and made a little compact box of himself on all fours.

“Mr. Mayor?” Joe whispered.

“Yes, Joe. I wanted to get back to you about your key to the city.” He unzipped the fly.

“Freeball economy,” he observed.

“Boxer label was chafing.” Mike’s finger curled around his mushroom head, which already had precum. With a push of the finger up his nose Joe was able to cover up his surprise. Glasses adjustment. No big.

Damn. Diana, dirty Diana had taught Mike this move in the town car from the townhouse, he once told Joe. In the time it took to drive him from the stoop to the 6 she could get her mouth around him just long enough to give him a semi, a semi with which he would watch the show at City Hall. It was a little awkward for him to take care of at the office, what with the no walls, and he liked to come over to the set every once in a while to take care of business. He might be brusque, might have a lil harassment suit here or there, but it didn’t mean he didn’t have needs, needs a no-strings relationship with Joe filled in him. All issue politics, no labels.

“Just relax,” Mike said. “Join the conversation.” The piano riff on “Oliver’s Army” swirled over Joe and he let pure sensation take him to the top of the Freedom Tower. Those first few times he had tried to fantasize about others: Goth girls he’d run into at the D.I.Y. shows in college, back in ‘Bama. Ones he could talk the Smiths with. Hardbodies educated at small liberal arts colleges in Western Mass. International superstar, redhead, Matthews’ chick, before the Citibank guy. The blonde, the one everybody thought he was fucking — if they only knew about how their relaish got destroyed by somebody’s fixation with Daddy. Always felt like she was trying to rebel being with him. Made him act the bad boy. And that wasn’t a label he could live up to, not him, anyway. He needed something with no labels.

As if reading his mind, Mike elongated his tongue to hit a little more on the shaft.

“Stunningly superficial,” Mike muttered, sucking a little harder and adding a little teeth onto Joe’s cock that cut through like the voice of that other Boston Mike, Barnicle. Mike was never able to get rid of that old Boston accent, even with all his time in New York and Baltimore, and so he was unable to mimic Daddy’s Polack growl. Even so, it got Joe hot, and for the first and maybe only time in his life he wished he could replace his drawl with one of those long Bal’more “O”s.

“I mean, my God!” he yelled. He hoped to God Bill Kerins couldn’t hear him in the other room. Ever onto Joe, though, Mike just swallowed and smiled.

“Business before the bell. I’ll have my staff analyze this data set later this morning.” Man, Mike just got him. Like union contracts, collective bargaining, hello? Fiscal discipline? I mean, Friedman and Meacham were kind of with him on this one, but Mike had something else, ambition or something, no pretenses. No labels. All chemistry. Mike was street, from poor folk, just like Joe, and they shared something deep down no pundit could divine.

“Mika, tell us what’s in the morning papers,” he said, diverting his thoughts onto a ring from the Gold Coast vent. Look anywhere but under the table, Joe. Look at the tabletop. Look at the ring. It condensed; Joe’s spirits evaporated.

When Joe looked back down under the table, Mike was gone.

Story Of The Week: Voter Fraud

“Hello, this is Melissa with the Voter Fraud Hotline, how may I help you?”

“Oh…” The voice on the other end of the line stuttered. “I… I’m sorry, this appears to be a wrong number. Are you sure this isn’t Pizza Palace?”

Melissa sighed and rubbed her temple with her free hand.

“No. No, this isn’t Pizza Palace. But while I have you, do you happen to know of any voter fraud…” the buzz on the other end of the line was deafening. Only two calls in the past 5 hours and both had been wrong numbers. Melissa put the receiver back into its cradle and leaned back. It was 1:00 pm on election day.

When Melissa had signed up last month, she was positive the phones would be ringing off their hooks. Even her supervisor Kristy had taken on extra volunteers, all of whom were now on a very extended lunch break. Melissa had chosen not to join the others at the Olive Garden as she was sure the calls would start rolling in any minute. She was proud to be from the great state of Ohio, and imagined that today was going to be the most exciting in her 23 years of life.

But as another hour ticked by, Melissa sat alone in the large conference room filled with tables upon tables of quiet phones. The walls were plastered with the red, white and blue signs for their candidate.

“This is the right number you know,” a deep voice startled her from around the corner. “We double checked this morning.”

It was Josh, one of the other volunteers. Melissa had just met him that morning and she liked him very much. He was about her age, and his strong physique suggested that had played sports in college. He was neatly dressed in dark pressed jeans, a blue button up shirt and a red tie. Melissa smiled at him and twirled a finger through her flaxen ringlets.

“How was the Olive Garden?” Melissa asked.

“You know, the usual,” Josh said as he leaned against the table and furnished a sly smile on Melissa. “I sure do miss the never ending basket of bread sticks, though.”

“Those are gone?”

“The current first lady changed that with her health initiative last year. The Darden corporation rolled over to her whim. Apparently people can’t control themselves so the government needs to tell them how to eat.”

Josh leaned into Melissa’s ear and whispered, “That’s why we’re trying to get the other guy in. I want to eat as many bread sticks as I can get my mouth on.”

There was something about the way he said that last part that made Melissa squirm in her crisp pantsuit. She could have sworn that Josh had been flirting with her earlier that morning. At one point she noticed him staring at her from across the room before making a mock ringing noise, picking up the phone and saying loudly, “Oh, what, this is Heaven? Yes? Yes, I hear you’re missing an angel,” before winking at Melissa and furnishing a finger gun in her direction. Sure it was cheesy, but she giggled. She liked cheesy.

“So,” Melissa said, taking a sharp breath. “I guess there is no voter fraud being reported yet.”

“That’s right, not yet,” Josh nodded. “I’m expecting to be here well into the night. I mean, most of the calls will come in after polls close, I’m assuming. Hope you have enough energy.”

Josh leaned into Melissa and touched her rosy cheek tenderly. Melissa leaned into Josh’s warm hand and bit her crimson lip.

A voice boomed out from across the room, causing Josh and Melissa to both jump back.

“Did I hear you guys just volunteer for the late shift?”

They turned around to find their supervisor Kristy striding towards them, arms folded. Her flaming red hair was in a messy bun at the top of her head, harnessed in place with a blue pen.

“Well,” she said, placing a keen eye on Melissa before shifting her curious gaze towards Josh. “I mean, we could all be here awhile.”

Melissa piped up. “Of course. Where are the others?”

“I sent them home,” Kristy said as she opened up a drawer and pulled out a box and a bottle of tequila. “It’s gonna be a long night. Anyone up for Twister?”

Three hours later, Josh, Kristy and Melissa lay laughing on the plastic Twister mat in their underwear, the partially drunk bottle of tequila between them. Somehow the game had devolved into strip Twister, and Melissa was thankful that she had the chance to admire Josh’s tight abdominals. For some reason he was still wearing his tie – a sexy touch.

“Now what?” Melissa gasped in between a giggle fit as Josh playfully tossed the Twister spinner across the room. “We should be ready in case the phone calls start coming in.”

“True,” Kristy said, her long legs draped across Josh’s chest. Josh, in turn, was stroking Kristy’s milky white thighs. Melissa wasn’t jealous… exactly. She was tipsy, and yet during the last few hours she couldn’t help but think that both Kristy and Josh had been flirting with her. It sounded crazy, but there was a point during the game when Melissa had her right hand on green and left foot on blue, she could have sworn she felt Kristy’s lips graze her right nipple while Josh’s manhood got hard against her thigh. Or maybe it was just the tequila that was making her imagination run wild.

“I have an idea,” Josh piped up.

An hour later the three were on the couch in the corner, the TV on full blast. The polls had already closed in several states and they were playing along with Josh’s creation, ‘Lamestream Media Drinking Game’.

“He said ‘swing state!” Josh howled as each of them took a swig from the bottle. Melissa was seated on Josh’s lap, his hand draped on her lady mound over her panties. Kristy was seated next to them, one hand on Josh’s thigh, the other caressing the base of Melissa’s neck. Melissa wasn’t quite sure what was happening but for some reason this felt so right…

RRING!

The three jumped at the sound of the phone lines screeching. They scrambled up from the couch, each trying to be the first to get their hands on one of the lines. Josh beat them to it and grabbed the nearest receiver as Melissa and Kristy crowded behind him.

“Voter Fraud Hotline, this is Josh. Yes. Yes, I see,” Josh nodded soberly. “Uh huh. Of course.” Josh gently put the receiver down.

“Wh… what is is?” asked Melissa breathlessly.

“It’s serious,” said Josh as he slowly started to clear papers from the desk next to him, and pushed two phones aside. “Melissa, it’s about you.”

“M… me?” Melissa stammered. “What about me?”

“Well, it turns out there’s been some voter fraud,” Josh could barely hold back a smile. “In your PANTS.”

The three of them giggled uproariously.

“Kidding guys, it was someone for Pizza Palace again,” Josh snorted. “But actually…” Josh lent a knowing gaze towards Kristy, who, in turn, had a mischievous grin on her face.

“Actually, what,” asked Melissa, cautiously eyeing the two.

“Well,” Kristy cleared her throat. “Remember when we came up with the rules for the Lamestream Media Drinking Game? We said take a shot when we heard Swing State, Poll, Election, Ohio and every time the vein on Chris Matthew’s head starts twitching… BUT if the phones ring, that means…” Kristy glanced at Josh who happily took over her thought.

“Yes, if the phone rings, we do a body shot.”

Melissa giggled nervously. “I don’t remember that rule.”

“You were in the bathroom,” Kristy quickly sputtered out.

“The… in bbbathroom…” Josh followed hastily, overlapping Kristy.

“Oh, ok,” Melissa blushed. “But… I don’t know what a body shot is.”

“It’s fine,” said Josh as he took Melissa’s hand and led her to the partially cleared desk. “Just lay down. We’ll do all the work.”

“But you’ll need to take your bra and panties off,” affirmed Kristy with a sharp nod.

Melissa shuddered with nervous excitement as Josh gently lay her body along the desk. He unclasped her bra with ease, releasing her supple bosoms. She blushed upon noticing that her flushed, pink nipples were already erect. Josh effortlessly pulled her underwear off, exposing her downy mound. Kristy stepped back towards the sofa to retrieve some lime wedges and the salt shaker as Josh poured two hearty shots of tequila into Dixie cups next to Melissa’s slim waist.

Kristy leaned into Melissa’s ear. “First, we get some juice on these,” she said referring to Melissa’s rose-tipped nipples as she gently rubbed a wedge of lime on each one. “That helps the salt stick.” Melissa gasped. Kristy then drizzled an ample amount of salt over her chest. She was right – the lime juice made the salt stay on her areolas, like glitter to glue on an arts and crafts project.

Melissa bit her lip and threw her head back when she felt Josh place one of the wedges of lime on the petal smooth center between her legs. She hoped he hadn’t noticed just how wet she was between her tender love fold. The other lime was placed in her mouth by Kristy.

“So,” began Kristy as she traced a delicate finger up and down Melissa’s belly. “This is how it works. Josh and I are going to lick the salt off of you.”

“All of it,” Josh said.

“Then,” Kristy continued. “We each do a shot of tequila, and finish by sucking the lime out of you.”

Melissa squirmed, careful to hide her excitement. “You mean frm mm…” she mumbled.

“Yes,” Josh whispered, his face in between her thighs. His hot breath on her nether-region made her shiver with delight.

Kristy and Josh looked at each other excitedly before taking each one of Melissa’s nipples in their mouths. She could taste the bitter lime rind clutched between her teeth.

They took their time gently suckling the hard tips of her bosoms until every last grain of salt had been licked from Melissa’s heaving chest. Melissa opened her eyes and watched as Josh and Kristy quickly downed their shots of tequila before turning their eyes back on her. Kristy gently pushed Melissa’s golden curls back from her sweaty face, leaned in, and squeezed on the lime in her mouth, before tossing it aside like a dog tired with its chew toy. She placed her warm lips on Melissa’s and softly plunged her tongue into her mouth.

On the other end of the table, Josh nibbled delightedly at the lime before brushing it off with his nose. His tongue then began flicking softly at Melissa’s love button, and she began to groan wildly. Kristy moved her mouth from Melissa’s and nuzzled the nape of her neck. Melissa threw her head back in reckless surrender when Kristy licked her neck up from the base of her ear down to her shoulder. Josh continued to work his tongue down below, slowly at first, then faster and faster…

Melissa squirmed and just as she opened her mouth to take a big breath, Kristy straddled her torso, pinned her arms down and covered her mouth with her lips, smothering her. Unable to breathe or move, she finally surrendered to the blinding climax that had been rising within her since she first felt their tongues on her flesh. She threw her head back and cried out as her body shuddered with each ecstatic, clenching spasm that erupted from her belly. Josh eased the rhythmic motions with his tongue until Melissa body gave out beneath them, limp, exhilarated.

The three of them lay there on the table, sweating, touching, breathing for a few minutes until they were interrupted by-

RRING!

Kristy hastily slid herself off the table and reached for the phone beside her.

“Voter Fraud Hotline, this is Kristy. Yes…”

Melissa and Josh lay still, their eyes fixed on Kristy.

“Yes, yes. Ok. Wow, ok. Thank you.” Kristy softly placed the phone back into the receiver.

“What is it,” Josh asked. “Did they catch someone voting twice? Someone without the proper ID? I’ll bet it was some liberal college kid with two addresses!”

Melissa couldn’t imagine how she could be aroused again after climaxing so hard, but something about the way Josh reacted to this potential voter fraud made her want to kiss him all over his hot, sweaty body, grab his tie and bind him to a…

Kristy’s voice cut off Melissa’s thoughts.

“That was Sandra from headquarters and we… we won’t be needed anymore tonight,” she said as she slowly turned to face them.

“The results are in.”